Forever

    

 A dear friend of mine who irrevocably changed the trajectory of my life died tragically nearly three months ago, and I’ve been privately spiraling ever since. He was — on an individual level — more valuable and brilliant than 99.99% of humanity to be completely honest, and I should probably be shy about saying that, but it’s just the truth. He was one of the only men I’ve ever truly loved and will ever love again. His life was so strange, so horrifying, yet speckled with many moments of beauty and clarity that cannot be overshadowed, despite the immensity of his illness. I’m now notably more disgusted by the world and humanity than I was before, but he fought so hard to be here, to be in the world, so I feel uniquely responsible to embrace my place in it regardless. 
    They couldn’t contend with your brutal reality when you were here, but one day soon they will have the research and language and mass social awareness to do so effectively. It’s simply a matter of time. 
    My sweet boy. My mariposa (you know <3). You would’ve cringed and poked fun at me for calling you that, but you gifted me the wings to soar far beyond my old understanding and perception of reality into something far more expansive, something far more REAL. What could I have possibly given you in return that was just as valuable? Love wasn’t enough, you said it yourself many times. But you have my undying love, to be sure. You have my undying love and a promise to honor you, your work, and your message at any cost. When the time is appropriate, I aim to do so in a public-facing, active way instead of a private, passive way. It’s simply a matter of time. 
I love you forever.