Devotion

I am both his lover and his devotee. Once during prayer, I freudian slipped and said his name when I was addressing God. Through his love, my spirit expands and my doubts eroded. To him, I am eternally devoted.

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Ins & Outs For 2025

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My version <3 As follows: INS: Gratitude. Self agency. Daily walks. Consuming some form of animal-based protein daily (non-negotiable). Raw organ meat. Perfecting the art of the blowjob (always in). Daily stretching (hips and legs especially). Reading fiction. Reaching out to the people you’ve been avoiding for no reason other than your own mental abstractions about not being good enough and strong feelings of shame. You know which people. You care about them deeply, and they deserve to hear from you. Reaching out to your relatives on a regular basis, especially your grandparents. Honesty. Even when it’s painfully awkward  and hurtful to acknowledge out loud. Saying no/revoking consent/being rude when necessary. Probiotics. Lending Grace to others, and perhaps more importantly, yourself. OUTS Frequent complaining. Purchasing excessive supplements and skincare products (which typically do more harm than good anyway). Learned helplessness. Abilify. Shame-spirals. Plant-based diets...
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Thirsting For Vengeance While Seeking Grace

     In my experience, forgiveness is something akin to a revelation. Forgiveness is bestowed upon me and expanded within me. It is through the grace of God that I am able to forgive, as I find myself unable to evoke the same response within me of my own accord.       When I have been wronged, the feelings of acrid resentment and the hot sting of shame, a hardening in my throat, and a strong undercurrent of fear begin to fester within me. My archaic lizard brain goes into overdrive, flooding my veins with adrenaline and cortisol. Then I feel the nauseating waves of shame; how could I have been so stupid? Why did I allow this to happen? How quickly this fear and shame mutates into rage.      There have been many nights where I’ve wanted to kill you. I want to believe that I would be capable of doing it myself. I want your rotting teeth ripped out one by one. I want your genitals shoved into a meat grinder. I want your fat white thighs sl...
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A Short New Year Reflection

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