The Locus of Chaos

Months later and I’m still burning from the UTI you gave me with your dirty mouth and those dirty teeth you useless ugly fuck. The truth is I’m not even that mad at you, more than anything I’m mad at myself for allowing it all to happen. Why did I let it happen? I hated myself and I still do. I betrayed myself and I still do. I was sitting there pretending to like it, fake moaning while your greying facial hair scratched my labia and you gnawed at my clit. Heather said you smell like rotting flesh and she was right, you do. I thought the same thing when you got close to me, forced your lips on me. Because you are rotting flesh. Rotten, putrid flesh. Rotten with a lecherous desire for younger women with their guard down. Rotten with romantic rejection. Rotten with bad intentions. Karma doesn’t treat men like you very well. But here I am months later, crying rocking back and forth lost in this bad memory, typing this out. When I see you, I’m embittered and afraid. When I see you, I’m the...

Kneeling before him, with strands of hair slicked to my face, I’m all eyes and tongue and saliva and lust. Looking up at him gently, holding his gaze. I’m sucking with religious fervor, buzzing with pleasure. This is what it means to worship. Every night before we met, I would say my prayers and reach beneath the sheets and imagine. Imagine kneeling before him. Imagine him throbbing in my mouth. I’d try to force my gaping mouth to close, muffle my uncontrollable moans. My fingers and the palm of my hand would get tired, but I barely noticed as the sensation grew and grew, so blissful it was almost painful, until I finally sighed and released, dampening my white cotton sheets. I solidified my prayers.  And now here I am. Here I am. Kneeling before him.

Kali Maa Ishtar Isis She's a dancing demoness Receiving wisdom thru the eye, divine forehead kiss Serving soft feminine feline seductress She's the purity that God desires yet she's oozing with sex Svadhishthana activated dripping wet lotus Kundalini rising hissss Yessss suffering feels delicious If you do it right.

Lana was so real when she said "I'm crying while I'm cumming" because now I've got tears streaming down my face since I can't have you and my inner thighs are wet while I use my fingers to relieve that painful pleasurable perfect tightness nerve endings bristling because I want you I want you I want you on top and inside and underneath while I smile and gasp and moan and scream and twitch while you fuck me so passionately that I start to feel God's presence it would be heaven I suck my index and middle finger each time I finish and fantasize that they're yours that I'm sucking because I want to taste you and taste myself on you someday the taste of carnal perfection.