The Locus of Chaos

     In my experience, forgiveness is something akin to a revelation. Forgiveness is bestowed upon me and expanded within me. It is through the grace of God that I am able to forgive, as I find myself unable to evoke the same response within me of my own accord.       When I have been wronged, the feelings of acrid resentment and the hot sting of shame, a hardening in my throat, and a strong undercurrent of fear begin to fester within me. My archaic lizard brain goes into overdrive, flooding my veins with adrenaline and cortisol. Then I feel the nauseating waves of shame; how could I have been so stupid? Why did I allow this to happen? How quickly this fear and shame mutates into rage.      There have been many nights where I’ve wanted to kill you. I want to believe that I would be capable of doing it myself. I want your rotting teeth ripped out one by one. I want your genitals shoved into a meat grinder. I want your fat white thighs sl...

I understand that positivity is not necessarily “high vibration” in and of itself, especially if it is feigned or false - TRUTH is always of the highest cosmic order. Not cynicism, solipsism, navel-gazing, and “negativity” for its own sake, but plain, unfettered honesty. When we reveal ourselves in ways that truly matter and bear witness when others do the same, then our image and likeness of God becomes even clearer, more defined. Those who speak and live truthfully are the most remarkably radiant.